Episode 132: Alayna Joy

Coming Out Podcast COMING OUT June 20th, 2018

IT'S HERE, IT'S QUEER, GET USED TO IT. Check out the teaser trailer for Coming Out with Lauren & Nicole, a new weekly podcast launching Wednesday, June 20th! Hosted by pals Nicole Pacent and Lauren Flans, Coming Out with Lauren & Nicole is chock full of coming out stories from queer folks from all walks of life. Follow us at @ComingOutPod on Twitter and Instagram, and check out www.comingoutpod.com. Because who doesn't love a coming out story?! #comingoutpod #findricki   

Episode 1: Lauren Flans & Nicole Pacent

In the pilot episode, co-host pals Lauren and Nicole talk about why they wanted to start this podcast, and then tell each other their coming out stories for the very first time! In doing so, Lauren reveals the second-most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to her in bed, and Nicole explains why she absolutely must #findricki...

Episode 2: Brittany Ashley

Our first guest, Brittany Ashley (BuzzFeed's "Lesbian Princess;" assorted lesbian stoner work), tells us her coming out story, which involves an Abercrombie & Fitch manager who looked like Uma Thurman, and a drunken confession in a discotheque bathroom in Mexico. Because of course.   You can find Brittany at brittanyashleyfunny.com and @britt27ash on all the things.

Episode 3: Ariel Shepherd-Oppenheim

The L Word played a big role in many of our coming out stories, and screenwriter/playwright Ariel Shepherd-Oppenheim (My Little Pony; Llama Llama; Vampirina) is no exception. However, she had to deal with the added impact of her mom and older sister actually being on the show OH MY GOD WHAT YES REALLY BOTH OF THEM. Ariel talks to us about all this and more; plus, Melissa Etheridge and labels and biphobia - oh my! In addition to her work in animation, Ariel Shepherd-Oppenheim (IG: @shoppenheim) wrote the award-winning shorts "Fuck You From LA" and "Dear Sister." Her most recent play, Wealth, premiered at the Lyric Hyperion Theatre as part of the Sorority Series.

Episode 4: Marc Anthony Samuel

Actor Marc Anthony Samuel (General Hospital; NCIS; etc.) stops by with his dogs Jeff and Rooney to talk about how he evolved from identifying as "I'm gay!" to identifying as "I'm Marc." We also discuss how coming out is a choice and not a necessity; plus Lauren and Nicole court queer-friendly sponsors!

Episode 5: Daisy Eagan

Tony Award winner Daisy Eagan (HBO's Girls; National Tour of "The Humans") was recently described by a friend as having gone from "sort of bi to full-on queer-poly in under a year." Daisy talks us through the ups and downs of her awesome and still-evolving personal renaissance; plus, we take a deep dive into polyamory, and drop an s-ton of f-bombs!

Episode 6: Ally Johnson

Funny AF writer/comedian Ally Johnson (Playboy Radio & CBS Radio; "Butch Pal For The Straight Gal") comes on the pod to tell us what it's like when your mom knows you're gay before you do, and how a broken heart can lead to a double expulsion from Catholic school... Also, Lauren is the only one in the closet who's NOT hungover!!   To help support Ally's dream of turning "Butch Pal For The Straight Gal" into a series, check out the campaign at www.butchpal.com!

Episode 7: Lance Lowe

The ridiculously charismatic Lance Lowe shares stories about growing up as a queer man of color, advocating for trans folks, and coming out to his mother just TWO WEEKS before we recorded this episode! He also teaches us the expression "queering your space," and tells the tale of his first sexual encounter via Craigslist. (Spoiler alert: it wasn't great.)   Find Lance on Facebook, where he is a self-described "hot mess," or follow him on Instagram at @sir_lance_a_thawt.  

Episode 8: Keira Ferrari

Keira Ferrari grew up in the '70s in Mexico as the oldest of six children in a very religious family. She talks to us about the mental gymnastics she performed for decades to deny the fact that she was trans, until she finally started going "full time" as her authentic self in July of 2015. A lawyer of twenty years, Keira also shares how her transition brought about the decision to follow her true career dream, which is currently underway as we speak!   You can find Keira on Facebook at "Keira Ferrari."

Episode 9: Lauren Ludwig

Writer/director Lauren Ludwig ("Rob Riggle’s Ski Master Academy;" "Passive Aggressive History") grew up in the midst of a family secret that was "like a lesbian erotica," and which later impacted Lauren's own ability to come to terms with being bisexual. They take us through this, and also discuss recently coming out as genderqueer. Plus, we delve into the topic of bi erasure, and Nicole and Lauren (other Lauren) get vulnerable about their DARK PARTS...   Check Lauren out at @ludwigmonster on Instagram and www.laurenludwig.com!

Episode 10: Stephanie Beatriz

Stephanie Beatriz (Brooklyn Nine-Nine) came out as bi in "tiny little bits" over a period of years, until a single tweet unexpectedly launched her out of the closet in a very public way. She talks to us about how the public perception of bisexuality is evolving, how her own coming out story informed Rosa’s on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and why seeing boobs in a museum was one of the most profound moments of her childhood (relatable).

Episode 11: Mandahla Rose

Australian actress Mandahla Rose (All About E; Forever Not Maybe) had no idea she was gay until her mid-twenties, but once she knew, she KNEW! It gets hotter than usual in the closet this week as we talk first kisses, first hook-ups, and where to find the most authentic lesbian porn. Oh, and did we mention Mandahla was raised by nuns? This girl is FULL of surprises. P.S. #sorrynotsorry for the sexy accent. Follow Mandahla on Twitter and Instagram at @twiistedrose, and check out mandahlarose.com!

Episode 12: Kieran Smiley

It’s a Very Special Episode as we’re joined by THE FIRST PERSON LAUREN EVER CAME OUT TO! Kieran Smiley (a construction manager/Lauren’s BFF from high school; see Ep 1) grew up the youngest of five boys in a Catholic, mostly-military household. He talks to us about grappling with his sexuality amidst ever-present machismo, working in a heteronormative industry, and how his father came to accept him in an incredibly meaningful way. Also, Lauren squeals a lot because she loves him, and it’s all very adorable.

Episode 13: AB Cassidy

Comedian AB Cassidy (This Is Us, "Lez Bomb;" pronouns: they/them) takes us on a hilarious and heartwarming ride that includes secretly applying to boarding schools and becoming “the King of Fat Camp” – and that only takes us up through age 16! They also talk to us about just recently learning to embrace the fact that they’re genderfluid, an identity that is still evolving for them. All this; plus, DOBBY’S IN THE CLOSET! Find AB on IG at @funnylezbo; all shows at www.abcassidy.com.

Episode 14: Leigh Holmes Foster

This week we are joined by Leigh Holmes Foster, co-host of fellow queer podcast Lez Hang Out! Leigh tells us about the "shitshow of emotions and hormones and confusion and stuff" that she tried to hide under a facade of normalcy throughout much of high school before coming out. Also: LiveJournal, Xena, Buffy, AIM, Brad Pitt, prom, and crushing on your straight best friend. You know; the basics. Find Leigh on both Twitter and Instagram at @lshfoster, and follow Lez Hang Out everywhere at @lezhangoutpod!

Episode 15: A.J. Salas

This is a difficult but important one. A.J. Salas, a Latinx writer/performance artist, was raised as a Jehovah's Witness, and experienced some of the worst things associated with growing up gay in a religion that considers homosexuality a sin. He speaks to us candidly about what he's endured, and how he's managed to emerge from it all as a confident, happy adult. You can follow A.J. on Instagram at @dreamingalexander.

Episode 16: Sara Benincasa

We're celebrating Bisexual Awareness Week with author and comedian Sara Benincasa ("Real Artists Have Day Jobs;" the queer YA novel "Great"), who has the funniest coming out story we've heard so far! She talks to us about Catholic indoctrination, Queer Twitter, and what it's like to be bisexual on dating apps. Plus, we fangirl over Nicole's SUPER-CUTE HUSBAND OMG!!!   Follow @SaraJBenincasa on Twitter and IG, and check out www.sarabenincasa.com for alllll of Sara's amazing stuff.

Episode 17: Nicole's Mom!

We put a spin on our usual format when Nicole's mom, Karen, tells a coming out story from a parent's POV. Back in Episode 1, Nicole spoke candidly about her mother's reaction to her coming out as bisexual 17 years ago. This week, Karen is equally open and honest in talking about what the experience felt like on her end at that time, and how she evolved to where she is today. Karen Pacent is a certified coach, meditation instructor, and business leader. See the work she's doing at www.karenpacent.com.

Episode 18: Ramy El-Etreby

Theatre artist Ramy El-Etreby (solo show/short story "The Ride") grew up in a conservative Muslim household. He tells us the incredible story of how he made a spur of the moment decision to come out in a very public way, and how that affected his relationship with his family, his community, and his faith. In his own words: "I don't think I anticipated the shitshow being as shitty." Follow Ramy on Twitter and Instagram at @dramarams.

Episode 19: Stevie Boebi

YouTuber Stevie Boebi (creator and host of the first ever Lesbian Sex Ed video series) reveals the never-before-heard story of her coming out! She talks to us about being told "you're too pretty to be gay," accidentally adopting the male gaze, and how she ultimately decided to make the kind of videos she wishes she'd had when she was younger. (This episode is not sponsored by the American Dental Association. YET.) Watch Stevie's videos at youtube.com/Stevie, and follow her everywhere at @stevieboebi.

Episode 20: Rachael Cantu

Singer-songwriter Rachael Cantu grew up in Orange County, California ("very conservative; very white; very Christian"), and it took a fated encounter at her local record store to make her realize she might not fit the OC mold. Today, she's married to a woman and tours with Tegan and Sara TALK ABOUT A GLOW-UP!!! Rachael tracks this journey with us, and also speaks honestly about the constant push-and-pull that comes with having a religious family.   Follow Rachael everywhere at @RachaelCantu.

Episode 21: Cloie Wyatt Taylor

Actor/singer/dancer Cloie Wyatt Taylor (Hulu's Future Man; Crazy Ex-Girlfriend) is our first-ever guest to bring a cocktail into the closet, and the result is our most hilariously candid episode yet! We discuss orgasms, gender presentation pitfalls within the lesbian community, and more; plus, listen in real time as Cloie reveals something that makes Lauren LEGIT blush... Learn all about Cloie at www.heycloie.com, and follow her across social media at @alwayscloie.

Episode 22: Natasha Negovanlis

In our very first Skype episode, we call the faraway land of Canada to talk to Carmilla star NATASHA NEGOVANLIS! Natasha tells us all about Freelancers Anonymous, her latest female-centric movie that she says felt like "going to summer camp." We also discuss the benefits of having a Fairy Gaymother; plus, Natasha describes a poignant moment she had while filling out a census, and shares the story of the first time she kissed a girl. Buckle up, creampuffs! Follow Natasha on Twitter and IG at @natvanlis.

Episode 23: ClexaCon London

It's a special UK edition of the pod when Nicole and guest co-host Mandahla Rose (Episode 11) bring you a series of mini-interviews from the floor of ClexaCon London! Listen to coming out stories from across the globe recorded live at the world's largest multi-fandom event for LGBTQ women and allies. (Lauren isn't in this episode because she wasn't at ClexaCon, but she DEFINITELY ISN'T JEALOUS AT ALL.) Re-live London (and get psyched for Vegas!) at www.clexa-con.com.

Episode 24: Susan SurfTone

THIS EPISODE IS SO COOL! Susan SurfTone is a retro rock musician/political writer, and a former FBI agent turned NYPD attorney. Some of the freaking incredible things she talks to us about include being at Smith College the year that "everybody came out," what it was like to be a rocker in NYC in the late '80s, her conversations with the first person to throw a punch at Stonewall, and the time Andy Warhol saw her eat pizza. Learn more about Susan and listen to her tunes at www.susansurftone.com!

Episode 25: Vanessa Hunt

Vanessa Hunt is a theater-maker and listener of the pod from Utah who visits LA as much as she can, in large part for the queer community to be found here. Vanessa graciously popped by on her last LA gaycation to talk to us about growing up Mormon in a small town, trying to reconcile her own feelings with her faith's views on sexuality, and eventually getting to the point where she could finally be free to be herself. Check out Vanessa's lyrics on the track "Beginning Today" by Mikelle Dowse on iTunes.

Episode 26: Riley Silverman

Comedian/writer Riley Silverman (Take My Wife) gives us TWO coming out stories for the price of one! First, she talks about how her desire to be more honest in her stand-up gave her the final push to come out as trans. Then, she shares the traumatic event that ultimately prompted her to begin using exclusively female pronouns and start taking hormones. Also discussed: D&D, Ladies '80s dance night, and the trope of The Awkward Lesbian (TM). Follow Riley! Twitter: @rileyjsilverman / IG: @rileysilverman

Episode 27: Travon Free

Writer/comedian Travon Free (The Daily Show; Full Frontal; Showtime's Black Monday) is basically a superhero. He's hilarious, kind, successful, and one of the only out bisexual men in the Hollywood spotlight. Travon tells us about what it was like being (to quote his Twitter bio) "Straightish Outta Compton," and discusses the societal stigmas he has faced as a bisexual man. Also, for some reason, we talk about guacamole...a lot. Follow Travon on both Twitter and Instagram at @Travon.

Episode 28: Valentina D'Alessandro

Valentina D'Alessandro grew up in a tiny town in Northern Italy where Catholicism was ever-present, and the fact that she wasn't blonde-haired/blue-eyed made her an outsider. Despite losing a close gay family member to the AIDS epidemic when she was a child, Valentina had to carve her own path toward coming out (spoiler: The L Word was involved). She also may have let her first love give her an amateur tattoo...but we'll let her tell it, because it sounds better in an accent. Follow @ohhvalentine on IG!

A Special Holiday Announcement!

We're taking this week off for the holidays, but in lieu of a full episode today, we've got some exciting news to share! Tune in to hear what we've got coming up in the new year... ;)

Episode 29: Vico Ortiz

Puerto Rican actor Vico Ortiz (These/Thems; Jane the Virgin) identifies as a "Latinx, FemBoi, non-binary, genderfluid queerdo." But above all, they are CHARMING AF! Vico talks about how their desire to emulate their parents' marriage lead them to a very traditional relationship before they realized they were queer (a discovery owed in part to a bartender mentor and Google). Vico also discusses the challenges of using modern pronouns in a heavily gendered language, and more! Find Vico at @puertoricaninja.

Episode 30: Clayton Farris

Actor/comedian Clayton Farris (American Horror Story; Scream Queens) has always been attracted to men and women, but for the longest time he resisted putting a label to his sexuality. In a hilarious and vulnerable conversation, Clayton details trying on both gay and straight personas, and describes how seeing a "sex therapist to the stars" helped him to finally feel liberated by embracing the "bisexual" label. Also, we talk awkwardness surrounding sex, because SOMEBODY has to, dammit! @claytonfarris

Episode 31: Dana Piccoli

We finally get to chat with everyone's Fairy Gaymother, Dana Piccoli! Dana is a fixture in queer media, and a writer, host, and frequent moderator at ClexaCon. She talks to us about the "gay wave" that swept her all-girls Catholic prep school, and the pivotal "aha!" moment she had at show choir camp (very on brand for a coming out story). Also: being a late bloomer, and the importance of straight allies. Dana is @DanaPiccoli everywhere, and her queer romance novel Savor the Moment comes out March 15th!

Episode 32: Shaan Dasani

South Asian actor/filmmaker Shaan Dasani (Razor Tongue; These/Thems) grew up in North Carolina, and spent his childhood believing that he would grow up to be a man – until puberty hit. In one of our favorite discussions yet, Shaan tells us about the steps he took to try to "be straight," his eventual realization that he was actually transgender, and his present-day experience navigating masculinity as a "very binary-looking" trans man. Also, THE MOST TENDER STORY ABOUT A TINY TUXEDO! Follow @ShaanDasani  

Episode 33: Ashley Holzer

Ashley Holzer (a teacher's aide and mother of three) came into our lives via the L.A. LGBT Center's Women's Coming Out group, and *wow* is her story incredible. Ashley covers so many important things we had not explored on the pod until now, including parenting, getting sober, divorcing her best friend, grappling with mental health, and enduring loss; ALL while coming to grips with her sexual orientation. She is a champion, and we're so grateful to her for sharing her story! Ashley is on IG at @asholza.

Episode 34: Greg Barnett

Actor Greg Barnett (Pretty Little Liars; Raising Hope) was born and raised Mormon. Despite having realized he was gay in high school, he still planned to follow "the board game of Mormonism," which meant marrying a woman and having a family the 'traditional' way. Greg describes how he came to choose a different path, and how his relationship to his faith is still evolving. We also deep dive into religion, and along the way make some excellent metaphors involving tapas and 3D glasses! IG: @gregdbarnett

Episode 35: Tori Gaines

It's almost Valentine's Day, so WE FINALLY BROUGHT ON ONE OF OUR EXES!!! Actor/theatre maker/educator Tori Gaines dated Nicole at two different times, and the first time just so happens to be part of her coming out story! Tori walks us through how she's navigated life as a "tri-bi" woman (bisexual, biracial, and bipolar), and we also talk about the vast importance of visibility. Plus, the Legend of Nicole's Tiny Jean Shorts! Follow Tori on IG at tori__gaines (that's a double underscore)!

Episode 36: Tommy Hobson

Triple threat Tommy Hobson (The Fresh Beat Band; Lifetime's I'll Be Watching) takes us on his 15-year journey from believing he could "pray the gay away" to being out and proud in his personal and professional life. Stops along the way include the ritualistic burning of a confession letter, and several instances of mic drop-wisdom bestowed upon him by various family members. Tommy also talks toxic masculinity, fear of letting his parents down, and girls sneaking into his bed. Wait; what? @TommyHobson

Episode 37: Louis Peitzman

Writer Louis Peitzman (BuzzFeed News; The New York Times) regales us with a series of hilarious stories from his coming out journey, which started with LiveJournal and culminated on Facebook. He talks about how telling his parents was the one piece of the puzzle he struggled with for years, until - in a surprise twist! - the straightest character in RENT gave him the courage to finally come out to them. Also, a cautionary tale about what *not* to give your mom for Mother's Day... Follow @LouisPeitzman!

Episode 38: Jo Lampert

We're joined this week by Nicole's bestie and our first "dyke"-identified guest, Jo Lampert (Transparent; Orange Is The New Black)! Jo is a force of nature, and our conversation with her spans a mistaken claim of asexuality, the knee touch under the table that changed everything, and the years-long evolution that allowed Jo to finally be "visible and vulnerable in love and in sex." Also covered: humping! See Jo in Season 6 of OITNB and the series finale of Transparent, and check out #joequalitylampert!

Episode 39: Michael Sasaki

Growing up, actor Michael Sasaki (BIFL; Kidding; S.W.A.T.) was a competitive figure skater and the kind of guy who "always had a girlfriend." Michael discusses finding his truth by way of the Robinsons-May catalog, mistaking club culture for gay culture early on in his journey, and coming to terms with the fact that his Japanese heritage might be somewhat in conflict with his sexuality. Plus, puka shells and spiky hair - must be an early 2000's coming out! Follow Michael on Instagram at @mikeisready.

Episode 40: Martha Marion

Actor/writer/VO artist Martha Marion comes to us right smack in the middle of her coming out process! Martha always preferred queer spaces and queer community, to the point where she really felt like it would make more sense if she was gay. But she was never attracted to another woman until her early 30s, when she met someone and "a switch flipped." We discuss fear of appropriation and "not being queer enough," as well as the magic and wonder of Gay Puberty (TM). Also: ten alternate terms for bisexuality!  

Episode 41: JD Barton

JD Barton is a doctoral student in clinical psychology, and our very first guest whose coming out story involves a CELEBRITY! (...But not like that.) JD's methods of dealing with his sexuality included becoming super-religious as a child, and later crafting the personality of the "hilariously-sassy-but-totally-desexualized-gay-guy!" in high school. He also talks volunteering for The Trevor Project, gives insider tips on how to find cheap mental health resources, and makes us snort-laugh. IG: @notjdbee

Episode 42: Henry Epstein

Comic Henry Epstein (Portland Queer Comedy Festival) came out as gay at 13, but it wasn't until coming out as non-binary that the "celebratory missing piece" of their story fell into place. Henry tells us the ways in which body dysmorphia informed their relationship with gender, and discusses what it's like to be a non-binary person with male presenting privilege. We also talk code switching, tackle the semantics of "you guys" and "dude," and mourn the disappearance of Nicole's ass (RIP). @okhenryepstein

Episode 43: Team Jamber

It's our first-ever COUPLES EPISODE! Jill and Amber Rivera (BIFL creative team) both identify as pansexual, but because they're in a female/female relationship, most people unwittingly assume they're gay (silly people...). We discuss erasure/visibility, and Team Jamber tells us how their individual coming out journeys merged together a few years back, and why chosen family is so important. We also talk fan fiction, since we have a REAL LIFE SHIP on the pod today, people! Trailer at www.bifltheseries.com!

Episode 44: Briana Venskus LIVE AT CLEXACON!

In our first LIVE episode, we talk to BRIANA VENSKUS at CLEXACON - OMG! Briana grew up in North Carolina with very accepting parents, but in an environment where she was otherwise "pounded with religion." She discusses dating her first girlfriend at 13, tells another coming out story without which her own wouldn't be complete, and explains how leading with empathy and kindness has always served her well. We also take questions from the audience, and Briana shares the greatest breakup line of all time!

Episode 45: Dalila Ali Rajah

In this can't-miss episode, we sit down with wise and wonderful actress/writer/storyteller/healer Dalila Ali Rajah! Dalila didn't discover her attraction to women until she was in her mid-twenties and in a serious relationship with a man, but when she went there...she went BOLDLY. Dalila details her years-long journey as we take a DEEP dive into polyamory, bisexuality, motherhood, and gender. Also, Nicole has a second coming out of her own...! Follow @dalilaalirajah everywhere / www.dalilaalirajah.com

Episode 46: Aunt Renee!

It's a special family episode when we're joined by Nicole's Aunt Renee! Renee Kasman came out nearly 45 years ago, and some of the incredible highlights from her story include being a queer woman in 1970's NYC, and taking the state of Tennessee to court with Nicole's Aunt Nina! She also shares a foolproof answer to the age-old question, "Which one of you is the man?", and we do a cringe-worthy reading from a 1958 book Renee was given as a child on the dangers of "female homosexuality." YIKES. @chettie123

Episode 47: Brendan Scannell

Actor/comedian Brendan Scannell of Heathers and the new Netflix series, Bonding, joins us today, and we talk BDSM for the first time on the pod! Brendan discusses overcoming his fear that expressing his femininity would make him unattractive to other men, and spills everything about his "Gay Rumspringa" (don't get too excited; it was in the 7th grade). Also, first loves, The Prince and Me, and a Christmas wish list that is...very advanced for a 9-year-old. IG: @bscan / Twitter: @BrendanScannell

Episode 48: CB Lee

CB Lee is the author of the young adult sci-fi series Sidekick Squad, so it's no surprise that the sci-fi genre played a central role in her own coming out as bisexual. CB shares how she writes her books for "16-year-old me," and talks about the power of seeing yourself represented in media. We discuss the parallels between queerness and superhero stories, and delve deep into mental health/suicide prevention. Also: #stillawerewolf Follow CB at @cblee_cblee, and check out her books at www.cb-lee.com!

Episode 49: Kelsey O’Regan

When BIFL writer Kelsey O’Regan realized in college that they* were bi (cheers, Glee!), they assumed that was their coming out story. In the past year, however, Kelsey has come to understand that they're also asexual, and a whole new journey has been unfolding for them. Kelsey is our first ace-identified guest, and we cover A LOT! Anxiety, Christianity, the lack of ace representation, the way that sex functions in relationships, the hyper-sexualization of culture and media...and Isabella Gomez. Follow Kelsey on both Twitter and Insta at @goneawayawhile! *pronouns updated since recording

Episode 50: Amanda Deibert

TV/comic book writer Amanda Deibert grew up in an extremist Christian family/community in the Deep South, where it took her a while to figure out "that lesbians were even a thing." Despite the trauma of losing her mother at 14 and getting kicked out of her stepparents' house, Amanda eventually landed at a high school where she found her people. Her incredibly inspiring story covers such hits as sleepovers, trying super-hard to be bisexual, Harry Potter, and a sexy foreign exchange student! @amandadeibert

Episode 51: Amber's Closet

We're so excited to be kicking off Pride with host, actor, and activist Amber Whittington of YouTube's Amber's Closet and Season 2 of Girls Like Magic! Amber was one of the only WOC at her Catholic high school, so when she realized she was gay, it seemed like coming out would be a lot of added pressure to carry. Amber talks about what lead her to ultimately be so open and vocal about who she is, a journey that involves basketball, Jada Pinkett, and a *surprising* number of massages! IG: @amberscloset

Episode 52: Carolyn Bergier

It's a podcaster spectacular when we're joined by Carolyn Bergier, co-host of the podcast Dyking Out! Carolyn's story includes Catholic "sex-ed," a formative moment on a waterbed, and a job at the queerest movie theater EVER. We also discuss the deep attachment that many parents have to gender roles, and the discomfort they experience when those roles are upended. Plus, Lauren asks Carolyn's advice on femme/femme dating! Follow @TGICarolyn and @DykingOut, and check out cbcomedy.com and @everygaysusan!

Episode 53: Dot-Marie Jones

Glee's Dot-Marie Jones has always been 100% authentically herself. To that end, she didn't have a big defining moment regarding her sexuality; "it just was." Dot talks about how being bullied in school informed the way she moves through the world, and how playing Coach Beiste allowed her to represent the underrepresented in more ways than one. She also tells the story of how she met her wife, which will make you UNEQUIVOCALLY BELIEVE IN FATE! Plus: arm wrestling in Moscow! Follow Dot at @dotmariejones.

Episode 54: Kirsten Vangsness

We're closing out Pride Month with a FANTASTIC episode featuring Kirsten Vangsness of Criminal Minds! Kirsten is *incredibly* open and hilarious while discussing her journey and insecurities about the "validity" of her queerness. We tackle such topics as shame, the intricacies of bisexuality, internalized homophobia, and all the ways in which we worry that we're "bad queers." Also, a play-by-play of girl/girl sex, and a...unique take on the "Two Wolves Inside You" proverb. @kirstenvangsness / @Vangsness

Episode 55: Shantell Yasmine Abeydeera

Shantell Yasmine Abeydeera (Girls Like Magic) grew up in Australia with very religious Sri Lankan parents, and felt tremendous pressure to meet their expectations. Yaz details her difficult but inspiring story, speaking candidly on toxic relationships and substance abuse ("It's incredible that I'm alive"). She shares how she came to love herself and her sexual identity, and how she's learned to cultivate a peaceful relationship with her mother. Also: Yaz's pizza theory! IG: @shantell_yasmine_abeydeera

Episode 56: Brooklyn Jones

At 15 years old, comedian Brooklyn Jones (Flex & Shanice) asked her mom "Do you think I'm gay?" She then put the question out of her mind for years...until Chicago Fire and Once Upon a Time brought it right back to the forefront! Brooklyn tells us about her first date with a woman, and how intersectionality can sometimes make it feel like your different identities are pitted against each other. Plus, community in-fighting, and the good ol' Straight Girl Conundrum (TM)! @itsbrooklynjones / @ItsBklynJones

Episode 57: NiK Kacy

We go deeper into gender than ever before when we're joined by footwear and accessories designer and trans/non-binary activist, NiK Kacy! NiK started their gender-free company because they were tired of shoes being limited to the binary, so it's not surprising that this concept extends to their entire life. We get an ED-U-CATION as NiK talks about their journey from coming out as gay, then butch/masculine presenting, then trans, and finally non-binary. We talk shades of grey in gender, queerness, and more!

Episode 58: Susan Cottrell of FreedHearts

In today's special episode, we speak with Susan Cottrell of FreedHearts, an incredible organization that helps parents (especially religious parents) embrace their LGBTQ+ children. Susan discusses choosing her daughter over her church, and offers invaluable tips on approaching parents who have not yet been able to do the same. She also talks about reframing faith in the most loving terms imaginable, and debunks the infamous Bible passages that are often used against the LGBTQ+ community. freedhearts.org

Episode 59: Jett Garrison

Transmasculine filmmaker/director Jett Garrison (These Thems) only transitioned three-and-a-half years ago, which now has him "just on the other side of puberty" in his mid-40s. He tells incredible stories from his life, which include serving in the Air Force prior to "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," and being a morning DJ in the late '90s on the only all-female radio show in the country! Also, the challenges that transitioning can present in a marriage, and what it's like to date in what is essentially a new body.

Episode 60: Trish Bendix

Journalist Trish Bendix (The New York Times, etc.) is such a fixture in queer media, you would never guess she had no idea she was a lesbian until she was twenty years old! She's got a good theory as to why that is, though... Trish shares about her first relationship in college, and the benefits of continuing to play truth or dare into adulthood. We also discuss the merits of experimentation, the nuances of such classifications as "heteroflexible" and "waist-up bisexual," and GENTLEMAN JACK! @trishbendix

Episode 61: Lise Angelica

We go deeper into all things poly than we ever have before with filmmaker Lise Angelica (Other Loving)! Lise was part of a long-term poly triad 13 years ago, well before polyamory was widely talked about. She discusses the struggle of feeling like a stereotype when you're both bisexual and poly, and what it's like to come out as gay, then bi a decade later, and first start dating men in your mid-30s. Also: the powerful effects of Poison Ivy (not the plant) Follow @otherloving, starring Nicole!

Episode 62: "The Girl Who Came Out"

We're changing things up today with a fantastic coming out essay that was sent in to us by a listener! Breeann Campbell grew up with cerebral palsy, so she already felt like an outsider around her peers. When she started to develop feelings for girls in addition to boys...things got even more complicated. Nicole and Lauren read and discuss Breeann's beautiful coming out story, which includes a *heaping* dose of HARRY POTTER! Check out the full text of Breeann's story at comingoutpod.com under "Resources"

Episode 63: Em Westheimer

24-year-old Em Westheimer (YouTube's AndroGenetics) identifies as non-binary and uses they/them pronouns, but also waffles with use of the word "girl." Their story is difficult, but Em tells it with such grace, self-awareness, and humor, that they manage to keep us laughing throughout. We also discuss the LaRouche movement (the stifling political cult that Em was raised in), and why queer people often feel pressured to "figure out" why they're queer, when straight people...don't. Em is on IG at @siri_ew.

Episode 64: John Arrow

We get our minds blown by our first ever AROMANTIC guest! John Arrow (a second grade teacher and founder of TGI Femslash) has come out as *five* different things over the years (including bi and trans), but his aromantic identity is by the far the most recent. John discusses the societal pressures to be coupled, and opens our eyes to the term "amatonormativity," the idea of queerplatonic relationships, and the notion of squishes! Registration for TGIF/F opens Sept. 9! Go to tgifemslash.com for details...

Episode 65: Teresa Lee

We're celebrating Bi Visibility Month with HILARIOUS comedian Teresa Lee! Teresa grew up identifying with straight femme culture (sororities, pageants, etc), and pre-coming out, referred to herself as "a straight girl who liked girls." She discusses the struggle to be visible as a bisexual person in a straight-presenting relationship, and shares how her father's acceptance has evolved over time. Also, the titillating story of how she may or may NOT have made out with a Victoria's Secret model! @leresatee

Episode 66: Kim Kressal

TV Writer/Producer Kim Kressal (Lesbian Love Octagon) spent her adolescence unaware that lesbians even existed, but later dove headfirst into the lesbian culture of late '90s NYC. She talks to us about getting both "gay married and gay divorced," her experience 'passing' as straight while in a relationship with a trans man, and the time she accidentally left a strap-on at her mom's place(!!!). Also, debunking the trope of the predatory lesbian, and the BEST Ani DiFranco song you've never heard! @kkressal

Episode 67: Nancylee & Paige

If you saw last week's announcement, then you finally know what Nicole and Mandahla were doing in New Orleans over Pride: planning for the upcoming series Delta & Daisy! While in the Big Easy, they recorded this special NOLA edition of the pod with D&D writer/producers Nancylee Myatt and Paige Bernhardt (South of Nowhere; Nikki & Nora). Wives Nancylee and Paige share their (very different!) coming out journeys, and the story of how they met the old-fashioned way: through ex-girlfriends. @DeltaAndDaisy

Episode 68: Eden Treviño

Digital Producer Eden Treviño is just now coming off the roughest year of her life, but you'd never know it to talk to her. She discusses the strength and perspective she's gained from everything she's been through, and how happy she is with where she landed. Eden tells us the most cinematic coming out story we've EVER heard, which spans from Las Vegas to Mexico, and includes a literal hip injury! Plus, how The L Word's Carmen made her realize that she, too, could be a queer femme Latina. @theedentrevino

Episode 69: Mara Wilson

In honor of National Coming Out Day, we've got a special guest: actor/writer/foundational human from your childhood, Mara Wilson (Matilda; Mrs. Doubtfire)! As a child star who was all-too-often accused of wanting attention, Mara suppressed her bisexuality for a long time. She discusses imposter syndrome, the need for "boring bisexual visibility," and the ways in which she gauges attraction via Marvel characters. ALSO, we find out which celebrity was Mara's first on-set crush! @MaraWilson on Twitter/Insta

Episode 70: Sarah York

QUEER HILARITY ensues when we sit down with fellow podcaster Sarah York, co-host of Dyking Out! Sarah realized she was gay in college, but it's only within the past year that she's fully come into her queer confidence and aesthetic. She talks LDRs, the impact of cutting her hair off, and the very different reactions her two sets of parents/stepparents had to her coming out. Also, how watching Grey's Anatomy with her sorority sisters led to her formative and "painful" crush on Sara Ramirez! @thesarahyork

Episode 71: Kai Hazelwood LIVE at Models of Pride!

We talk to choreographer/educator/activist Kai Hazelwood LIVE at Models of Pride, the world's largest free conference for LGBTQ+ youth and allies! As someone who had to repeatedly come out to her own mother, Kai provides words of wisdom for dealing with people in your life who are still "hanging out in the 20th Century." She also discusses her work with AmBi and Good Trouble Makers, and how she tackled her own internalized biphobia. Plus, we delve into the concept of Bi vs. Pan as labels! @kaihazelwood

Episode 72: Quinn Mays

Artist and docent Quinn Mays (they/them) really says it best with the statement, "My identity is TBD." Quinn was raised Catholic by a single mother, and always viewed themself as very disconnected from their own body; it's only been within the past several years that they realized they were agender. Quinn shares what it's been like watching their body change, and the impact of starting to present as a young black man. We also discuss the notion of "it gets better" when "better" isn't perfect. @loljkayyy

Episode 73: Frances Yasmeen Motiwalla

Our guest this week comes to us during her campaign for CONGRESS! Frances Yasmeen Motiwalla's Peruvian mother and Pakistani father raised her as an Evangelical, but little did they know that a Mission trip to Ireland would prove pivotal to their daughter realizing she was a lesbian... Frances discusses how she went from feeling powerless to being politically engaged, the tragedy in her past that inspired her to run for office, and how LGBTQ equality is a cornerstone of her campaign. Check out fym2020.com

Episode 74: Gerson Macias

19-year-old Gerson Macias was always affectionate with male friends growing up, and by the time he hit middle school, his community had singled him out for this "less-than-masculine" behavior. Gerson talks about the negative impacts of machismo on Mexican men, the essay that changed everything for him, and his journey debunking the ol' "Bi now, gay later" myth... Plus, Dobby is back in the studio! Follow Gerson on Instagram at @flighttoinfinity. And hire him as a PA if you're a queer filmmaker!

Episode 75: Erin Foley

We have THE MOST HILARIOUS TIME with Erin Foley, professional comedian and writer for ONE DAY AT A TIME! Erin comes from a family that is so Catholic, it contains *multiple* nuns, so it's not surprising that it took her until her early 20s to even have an inkling that she was gay. She reveals the moment in a bathroom stall that sealed the deal, and the challenges she's faced since then with her good-hearted but very awkward parents. Also, grilled cheese and boobs - a winning combination!! erinkfoley.com

Episode 76: Lauren Neal

As a kid, actor Lauren Neal (Westworld) used to dress in her brother's clothing, and was constantly asked if she was a boy. She talks to us about doing drag for the first time (as Prince!), the insane amount of Dyke Drama (TM) she went through in college, and the "if you ever cheat on me, I'll murder you" pact that she has with her wife (it's much cuter than it sounds). Also, how she learned to be up front and ask her family for what she wanted when it came to her relationship. Follow @TheLaurenNeal!

Episode 77: Spencer

Actor/queer content creator Spencer (they/them) joins us while in L.A. for the Season of Love premiere! Spencer grew up with two moms on a "queer lady commune" (THE DREAM!), but that didn't make getting outed before they were ready any easier. Spencer talks to us about the formative effect of South of Nowhere, and their recent second-coming-out as non-binary! Also, a cautionary tale about why you should always remember to close the smutty fanfiction tabs on your computer... @RiotEarp666/@beetlebitch666

Episode 78: Pita Taing

Stage Manager Pita Taing joins us just one year after coming out! Pita talks about how, for her, gender "definitely doesn't" play a role when it comes to attraction, and how she has recently found herself predominantly attracted to trans and non-binary folks. We also discuss how, even as queer people, we often make assumptions about gender and sexuality based on presentation (DAMN YOU, PATRIARCHAL PROGRAMMING!!!). All this; plus we coin the phrase "horny for cuddling." Insta and Twitter: @pitabread716

Episode 79: Mav Viola

Comedian Mav Viola (Butch Pal for the Straight Gal) had an extremely sheltered Christian upbringing, to the point where she didn't know what her period was when she got it. Her coming out story includes such highlights as a game-changing Women's Studies class and a fateful trip to New York with her stepsister, and she keeps us in hysterics even through the difficult parts. Also, we learn about one of Lauren's weird turn-ons! Follow Mav on Twitter and Instagram at @mavviola! DO IT!!

Episode 80: Listener Mailbag!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! We're ringing in 2020 (not too loudly, in case you're hungover) with our first ever listener mailbag episode! Some of the many topics we cover include dating someone who isn’t out yet, coming out later in life, getting over a brutal breakup, what to do when you think your friend might be queer, and what if anything we would have changed about our *own* coming out journeys. Also, by popular demand: we tease a future episode about Nicole’s poly coming out story! Check out comingoutpod.com!

Episode 81: Avon Rogan

We sit down with Avon Rogan, one half of the FABULOUS queer clothing-and-accessories company, Beyond Clexa! A Filipino-Irish background and internalized biphobia led Avon to feel like "a pervert" for being bisexual; so much so that she didn't come out until she was 34. Avon shares how she put in the necessary work to blend her family for the sake of her son, and what it's been like finding herself single again at 48. Also: we dive into the murky waters of GHOSTING! Follow @onewingedavon and @beyondclexa!

Episode 82: Celeste Pechous

Celeste Pechous (Work in Progress; One Day at a Time) struggled so much with her sexuality that, at age sixteen, she told God she was "ready if you're ready for me." Cut to today, where she proudly plays a lesbian on a TV show that literally airs back-to-back with The L Word! Celeste fills in the 20+ years in between: her first closeted relationship, finding her girl posse in Chicago's queer community, and stepping back to give her parents the time they needed to process her identity. IG: @celesteinclogs

Episode 83: Ryan Wooten

In a departure from our usual format, fellow LGBT Center facilitator Ryan Wooten tells his story about coming out as HIV+. Ryan was in a monogamous relationship when he was diagnosed in his early twenties, and talks about moving from despair, to acceptance, to confidence. He explains how learning to live "proud and positive" made him the strongest version of himself, and we discuss how honestly disclosing any number of things to a partner can actually be sexy. Follow Ryan on Instagram at @fittedkid89!

Episode 84: Yael Tygiel

Over the years, host/moderator Yael Tygiel has identified as bisexual, pansexual, fluid, "whatever-sexual," and (currently) queer. Yael tells the story of being outed during a school assembly her freshman year of high school, and how the ensuing rumors meant she couldn't really come into her sexuality until she went away to college. She also discusses the differing reactions of her Israeli parents to her coming out, and preaches the gospel of BODY POSITIVITY! Plus: we're back in the closet!!! @yaeltygiel

Episode 85: Youstina

This week's guest has never shared her story publicly, but wanted to today because she believes it could help people (and she's right). Youstina (podcaster; QFX Public Relations) was born into a homophobic family in Egypt, where homosexuality is still criminalized. To make matters worse, her first same-sex experience involved her being severely lied to. Thankfully, Youstina emerged with one of the healthiest perspectives on queerness and acceptance we've ever heard (and, spoiler: Carmilla was involved). NOTE: Youstina has an updated Twitter handle from the one she gives out at the end of this episode! Insta is the same, but follow her on Twitter at @moonstiina.  

Episode 86: Lucy LaForge

Singer/songwriter Lucy LaForge grew up in a very conservative, Christian pocket of California, and didn't even hear the word "bisexual" until college (when someone point-blank asked her if she was one). She discusses the fears she had about being out publicly in the music industry, and how she ultimately let her songs lead the way. We also confront the maddening response of "Well, I mean, *everyone's* bi," and Lucy plays a coming out song LIVE IN LAUREN'S CLOSET! Listen at Lucy & La Mer / @LucyAndLaMer

Episode 87: Susan Miller

We finally talk to the woman who started it all! Writer Susan Miller not only co-created Anyone But Me and wrote on Season 1 of the original L Word, she's also THE REASON WHY THIS PODCAST EXISTS (for real)! An award-winning playwright, Susan talks about coming out almost exclusively through her work, and explains why she has described herself as a "bisexual lesbian." We also tackle the hot-button issue of authenticity in casting, and answer the ancient Zen question, "What is the sound of two women kissing?"

Episode 88: Gretchen Wylder

We have a *delightful* time talking to Gretchen Wylder, creator and star of THESE THEMS! Gretchen had a deeply Christian upbringing and was oblivious to her sexuality, despite the fact that she literally got nauseous every time she slept with her boyfriend. Fortunately, she finally saw the light in one of the most HILARIOUS stories we have ever heard! We also discuss hetero toxicity in the queer community, and Lauren finally gets to ask all her Femme for Femme questions! @GretchenWylder / thesethems.com

Episode 89: Holly Winebarger

We sit down with the QUEEN of queer community, Holly Winebarger, co-founder of ClexaCon and founder of QFX! Holly grew up in a small town in Virginia and didn't even know the word "lesbian" until she was 17, so it's no wonder she's spent much of her life fostering spaces for LGBTQ+ folks. She talks about how Ellen's "The Puppy Episode" changed her life, and tells us a coming out story that is *so* outrageous, it literally leaves us speechless! Also, the lasting impact of her mom's best friend, Belinda...

Episode 90: Addie Weyrich

At just 23 years old, comedian Addie Weyrich (The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel; Crashing) has not only survived more than her fair share of trauma, she's also somehow managed to turn it into stand-up material. She shares how growing up in Philly shaped her, and teaches us all about trauma bonding and "instamacy!" We also dig into the bisexual catch-22 of feeling "too straight for gay spaces; too gay for straight spaces," and discuss the INCREDIBLY challenging logistics of scheduling a threesome... @addieyomind

Episode 91: Ellie Brigida

In our last in-person episode before the world went bananas, we sit less than 6 ft. away from Ellie Brigida, musician and co-host of Lez Hang Out! Despite the fact that nearly all her friends in high school were queer, Ellie's own sexuality remained submerged until a pivotal dream she had in college... She tells us the whole story (which LITERALLY involves quarantine!!!), and we also talk queer signaling, dog lesbians vs. cat lesbians, and the infiltration of queer bars by well-meaning straight people.

Episode 92: Corona!

Hey, everybody! Things sure are f@cking weird right now, huh?! In our first ever remotely recorded episode, Lauren and Nicole process their feelings about the coronavirus pandemic, and talk about how they've been spending their time in quarantine (#quarantinedqueers). Nicole shares how her polycule is navigating lockdown! Lauren comes out as a former OCD-sufferer and current germaphobe! We let you know about some great content that our former guests are producing! And we love on y'all from afar.

Episode 93: Dr. Chris

A doctor on the front lines *and* a former gymnast?? What CAN'T Nicole's roommate, Chris, do?! Dr. Chris comes from a Midwestern, Roman Catholic family that "didn't really talk about controversial things," but when Chris' sexuality was uncovered, so was a decades-long family secret... Chris shares what it's like to be a doctor during the current pandemic, and reads us gay love letters from 1983 that were recently unearthed!

Episode 94: Matt Pascua

We sit down with Nicole's Other Loving co-star, bisexual actor Matt Pascua (Grey's Anatomy; Castle). Matt wasn't confused or in denial about his attraction to men, so he was caught off-guard when his first same-sex encounter didn't really resonate with him. We talk about what it's like when your first time *isn't* all "bunny rabbits and rainbows," and discuss how society only seems to be comfortable viewing men as gay or straight. All this; plus we FINALLY tackle the hot mess that is Tiger King!

Episode 95: Jennifer Brown

We have a one-of-a-kind discussion with author, keynoter, and CEO, Jennifer Brown! Jennifer grew up in the conservative O.C., but a Vermont college a capella group helped her find her queer identity. Jennifer details how she was able to merge her LGBTQ activism with her work in the corporate sphere, and how she actively made the choice not to pass for straight in the business world. She gives us an education in "Rainbow Capitalism," DE&I, and the queer scene in early '90s Boston! Follow Jennifer on Twitter and Instagram, and check out her website!

Episode 96: Elena Joy Thurston

Speaker and activist Elena Joy Thurston converted to Mormonism as a teenager, married at twenty, and went on to have four children, but seventeen years into her marriage, she began the harrowing journey of coming to terms with her lesbian identity. She relays the incredible story of how she unexpectedly met the love of her life, survived a mental health crisis and conversion therapy, and went on to happily live her truth. It's a surprisingly funny tale of triumph...and fly fishing. elenajoyexperience.com

Episode 97: Buck Angel

In a controversial but fascinating episode, we talk to activist, former adult film star, and "Tranpa" Buck Angel, who transitioned 25 years ago(!!) when many doctors considered top surgery "mutilation." Buck is up front about the fact that he is VERY opinionated re: issues within the trans community, so please listen at your own discretion. These conversations are scary to have, but we hope they will ultimately help bring our beloved LGBTQ community closer together. Buck welcomes engagement at @buckangel

Episode 98: Sean Wright

We bring on our fellow facilitator Sean Wright (they/them), who does amazing research in the field of public health! Sean, who tells us "I discovered my gender in the thrift store," sees their recent identity-shift as another "tree ring" in their ongoing evolution. We discuss the intricacies of trans vs. trans non-binary vs. non-binary, and Sean gives a fantastic explanation of why "trans non-binary" feels right for them. We also talk resources for queer folks in difficult shelter-in-place situations.

Episode 99: Keah Brown

We get into it with author and pop culture aficionado Keah Brown, who created #DisabledAndCute! Keah describes herself as a "bisexual, black, disabled woman," and discusses how she feels pressured to shelve some of her identities in order to advocate for just one at a time. We talk lack of disabled representation (never mind lack of disabled *queer* representation) in media, and Keah tells us why she was afraid to admit she was bi "on top of everything else." Also: the truth about the Olsen twins!

Episode 100: Our 100th Episode!!!

Holy cats! It's our 100TH EPISODE!!!! We take a queer walk down queer memory lane with clips from some of our most memorable moments inside and out of the closet, featuring past guests like Kirsten Vangsness, Erin Foley, Nicole's mom, and many more! We've also packed this ep with never-before-heard outtakes, bloopers, and behind the scenes moments. It's funny! It's moving! It's surprisingly sexy! JOIN US, WON'T YOU?! And, hey - thank you so much for listening :) Tons of stuff up at comingoutpod.com!

Episode 101: Branden & James

It's a couples episode with wonderful cello and vocal duo, Branden & James! Branden (America's Got Talent) grew up in Orange County, James in Australia, but religion is where their stories overlap. Branden attended Promise Keepers and a church for "ex-gays," while James' faith struggle lead him to Bible school in small town Texas. We talk organized religion vs. spirituality, and Branden being an out finalist on America's Got Talent. Also, there's a dancer/undertaker! Check out @brandenjmusic everywhere

Black Lives Matter

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Episode 102: Lauren Duca

By age twenty-five, journalist and author Lauren Duca (Teen Vogue; "How to Start a Revolution") had the perfect husband and a highly-successful career (who DOESN'T want to obliterate Tucker Carlson?). Inside, though, she was miserable, and felt "evil" for not being happy with her life. Lauren shares how Trump's election and a frog DMT ceremony helped her realize she was a lesbian; she also talks femmephobia, and shares tips for staying politically active when everything seems overwhelming af. Twitter: @laurenduca / IG: @duca.lauren / pancakebrain.com

Episode 103: Miles McKenna

We're continuing Pride with YouTuber Miles McKenna! Growing up, Miles knew things probably wouldn't go well if he told his parents he was queer, so he had no plans to do so...until one of them basically tricked him into coming out. What followed was as bad as he had anticipated, and YouTube became his lifeline. Miles tells us how his initial experience nearly kept him from coming out as trans, and what it was like to transition in front of an audience. Also, how former guest Stevie Boebi came to his rescue!

Episode 104: Makeda Declet

Just months before the protests, writer/actor Makeda Declet (Miracle Workers; Veep) wrote a one-act play that dealt with issues of intersectionality within the LGBTQ community. She talks to us about the experiences she's had as a Black queer woman that inspired her to write that piece, including having to exist in queer spaces that are predominantly run and populated by young white women. We also discuss the controversy surrounding West Hollywood's recent "All Black Lives Matter" Pride march. @makdeclet

Episode 105: Ariela Barer

We're closing out Pride Month (July 1st is STILL PRIDE MONTH!) with an amazing guest: Ariela Barer of Runaways, Atypical, and ODAAT! Ariela always had *very* intense female friendships, but could not for the life of her understand why everyone thought she was gay. She shares how she came out to her mom "the wrong way," and details the harrowing close call she had with her high school Tumblr... Also, what it's like to play straight opposite not one, not two, but THREE queer TV ships! Follow @ArielaBarer

Episode 106: Gaby Dunn

We're joined by writer, podcaster, and all around hilarious human, Gaby Dunn (Bad With Money; I Hate Everyone But You)! Gaby started out as a baby goth at a private Jewish day school in Florida, where the idea of having a girlfriend seemed "patently insane." But since then, she's evolved into an out and proud bi/poly icon whose favorite comeback to her critics is "sorry I'm fun." Nicole and Gaby talk all things poly, we discuss respectability politics, and Lauren tries to reclaim the concept of "vanilla."

Episode 107: #FOUNDRICKY!!!

It's the episode that has literally been 20 years in the making: WE FOUND RICKY!!! Well, *we* didn't find Ricky, but she has been found! Don't worry; we'll explain everything... Nicole nearly combusts as we talk to Erica Hebert (a.k.a. *THE* RICKY!), the woman solely responsible for Nicole's "ring of keys" moment (full story in Ep 1). Ricky dishes about field hockey shenanigans, being out in the '90s, and what it feels like to be a QUEER ICON! Also: Lauren nearly gets cancelled! Find Ricky at @Jaxbencam9

Episode 108: Lane Moore

Today we welcome comedian/author/musician Lane Moore (Tinder Live; "How To Be Alone;" It Was Romance)! Lane literally wrote the BOOK on being by yourself, so she's the perfect guest for our second wave of quarantine. She takes us from her "mean girls"-esque high school experiences with women all the way up to today, where she is fully out as bi in her personal and public life. Also: the heteronormative roles we often impose on queer relationships, and the Small Girl/Tall Girl trope! @hellolanemoore

Episode 109: Yetide Badaki

We have an across-the-pond chat with the *unfathomably* lovely Yetide Badaki (American Gods; This Is Us), who identifies as bi, Black, Nigerian, immigrant, and more! Yetide shares how, for a long time, she wasn't sure if she could claim space in the queer community...until reading the comments on a YouTube video made her realize how crucial visibility is. She also teaches us the meaning of "TCK," and we dive into the powerful connection queer women have to sci-fi/fantasy shows like DS9 and BSG! @yetide

Episode 110: It's All Coming Out!

In a special episode that's just the two of us, we divulge some exciting plans we have for the pod! From our closets, we detail the ways in which we're broadening our definition of "coming out" in order to cover a wider variety of topics that intersect with guests' identities. We also tease some upcoming eps we have planned, and come out to each other AGAIN-- but in a totally different sense. Lauren shares something that may or may not-at-all shock you, and Nicole reveals something incredibly vulnerable...

Episode 111: Chanel Glover

We bring on another one of our co-facilitators to help us tell the very-relevant story of The Most Uncomfortable Conversation (TM) we've ever had at the LGBT Center! Writer Chanel Glover (Sasha & Condi) was raised in a family that always taught her to be proud of her Blackness; when it came to her queerness, though, Chanel initially felt like she was betraying her Black community by "sharing her activism." We talk being "woke" vs. being self-aware, and also get real about lesbian cliquiness... @celaineg

Episode 112: Sammy June

We have a FANTASTIC conversation with actor/illustrator Sammy June (Backstreet Butches), who uses both she/her and they/them pronouns. Sammy talks about her Mormon upbringing, and the difficulty of getting not just divorced, not just "gay" divorced, but gay *Mormon* divorced. We also plunge into the murky waters of sex vs. gender, and Sammy shares how she's learned to be comfortable with all of the contradictions that she feels in these areas. Plus, the complex relationship between women and...their boobs.

Episode 113: Jessica Lillebo

Jessica Lillebo lives in Alabama, and is a longtime listener of the pod. However, as a trans woman, she was hurt by some things that Nicole brought up in Episode 110, so she reached out. And lest you think Nicole doesn't practice what she preaches re: talking things out in person, she and Jessica had a FaceTime sesh to discuss! We wanted to share their conversation, and invite Jessica on the podcast to talk about being trans in Alabama, explain how she told her kids, and more! Say hi on IG at @jess_1ill!

Episode 114: Israel Gutierrez

We take our first foray into the world of professional sports with ESPN personality Israel Gutierrez! Until the age of 31, Izzy would only allow himself to go to gay bars once a year, and only when he was out of town. He talks about the man he met on one of those trips who helped him come out, and shares the emotional story of how he finally told his family. Also, we discuss how sports and politics have collided, and how being out actually ended up giving Izzy's career *more* meaning. IG: @mrizgutierrez

Episode 115: Amanda Jetté Knox

We finally take on the topic of cancel culture, and HOO BOY, do we have a lot to say! Author, speaker, and advocate Amanda Jetté Knox was in a hetero marriage when her 11-year-old came out as trans...but that was only the beginning! We talk about their family's incredible journey, and how it ironically led to Amanda being attacked online by the very community she so fiercely advocated for. You'll laugh! You'll cry! And you'll love (or hate) some of our opinions... amandajetteknox.com / @MavenOfMayhem

Episode 116: Annie Elainey

We cover SO much with content creator and activist Annie Elainey! Annie describes herself as "an intersectional being," identifying as queer, disabled, Latinx, genderfluid, non-binary lesbian, and autistic - quite a list! Annie discusses the struggle it took for her to finally be diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, and the unexpected parallels between her coming out journey and her disability journey. Also, internalized ableism, lack of accessibility in queer spaces, and dating with a disability!

Episode 117: The Poly Episode, Part 1!

You've been asking for it for over a year now, and the moment has finally arrived: it's Nicole's *poly* coming out story! An episode SO epic, it's our first ever two-parter! In this first half, Nicole tells Lauren the long and sometimes painful journey that finally led to her understanding that she was polyamorous. She digs into her fear of being perceived as "a bisexual stereotype," and we bust polyamory myths and define more terms than a sexy dictionary! Strap in, and get your POLY EDUCATION!

Episode 118: The Poly Episode, Part 2!

In Part 2 of our epic polyamory episode, Gustav (Nicole's husband) and Mandahla (Nicole's girlfriend) talk about the evolution of the "trinity" they've created with Nicole! Gustav discusses why he was open (pun intended) to a poly relationship, even though he'd previously only known monogamy. Conversely, Mandahla shares why she was resistant...yet kept coming back around to Nicole and this particular poly relationship. It's a super-honest talk about the ups and downs of love, jealousy, and hyper-commitment!

Episode 119: Violet Gray...and J.K. Rowling

At long last, we're talking All Things J.K. Rowling, and we've brought on the *perfect* guest to help us wade through this IMMENSE topic. Comedian Violet Gray identifies as gender-variant, and had to come out not only in the stand-up scene, but also the librarian scene and the Ren Faire scene! We discuss where we think Rowling's views stem from, why and how she was able to essentially be radicalized online, and MUCH more. It's an incredibly nuanced conversation, and we can't wait to hear what you think!

Happy National Coming Out Day!

In a special mini-episode, we share the origins of the phrase "coming out" (spoiler alert: it's super-gay), make some exciting announcements, and hear a message of encouragement from a much beloved former guest! HAPPY NATIONAL COMING OUT DAY, Y'ALL! And check out: comingoutpod.com/media freedhearts.org karenpacent.com quibi.com/shows/sexology-with-shan-593/ "We Have Jobs We Swear" on Spotify and Apple Podcasts

Episode 120: Pelayo Alvarez

We're back with the absolutely wonderful Pelayo Alvarez of The Forbidden Apple, a podcast that explores the relationship between queer people and spirituality. Spanish-born and Catholic-raised Pelayo (who recently came out to his entire family over Zoom!) discusses reclaiming the idea of being "shameless," and the complexities of being out when you work in international relations. Also, the eminent wisdom of Keke Palmer! YouTube: youtube.com/pelayoaf IG: @theforbiddenapplepodcast Twitter: @TFA_POD

Episode 121: Ruby Farley

We got another young 'un! 18-year-old Ruby Farley hasn't ever really come out in the traditional sense, but identifies as queer because "that's the closest word I can find." She talks about being raised in a home that was very open about sex and sexuality, and shares how childhood trauma ultimately gave her an enormous capacity for empathy. We also discuss the ways in which social media has failed us in terms of communication, and what it's like watching from the outside as your sibling transitions.

LIVE Election Special!

We went live on Instagram the morning after the election to talk to each other and all of you about what the hell is happening!!! We discuss the still-very-much-in-process results, offer ideas for how to keep from going crazy in the days (weeks?!) to follow, and talk the merits and drawbacks of trying to engage in compassionate conversation with people across the aisle. IT'S AMERICA'S COMING OUT, Y'ALL! Mentioned in this ep: lalgbtcenter.org/culture-education/community-groups comingoutpod.com/media

Episode 122: Melissa Weisz

We welcome actor Melissa Weisz, the other half of The Forbidden Apple Podcast and our first ever (former) Hasidic Jew! At nineteen, Melissa was engaged to a man in an arranged marriage...yet in a surprise twist, it was *not* her burgeoning queerness that eventually led to the end of that relationship. Melissa shares how being raised in such a confining religion resulted in a fear of joining other communities (including the queer community); we learn about Jewish "family purity laws," and SO much more!!

Episode 123: Dani Fernandez

Writer, actress, host, and Twitter darling Dani Fernandez joins us on the pod for an amazing crash-course in self-love! Dani (who identifies as bi and Chicana) developed curves early, and was teased and shamed for...you know, having a body. She shares how she learned to love the way she looks, and how sexy photoshoots have allowed her to reclaim her own body. Also: the scam the patriarchy has pulled on bisexuality! Salma Hayek! And why we all need to be posting WAY more thirst traps! @msdanifernandez

Episode 124: Triggers

Well, Lauren had another tweet go viral and made a ton of people angry again! But on the upside, it brought up something we've wanted to discuss for a while: triggers. Episode 11 guest (and Nicole's girlfriend) Mandahla Rose comes back to talk about navigating trauma that occurred while she was in foster care. She discusses learning to have agency over daily triggers, and we talk about the prevalence of LGBTQ trauma, and offer resources for healing. (TW: sexual abuse) Follow Mandahla at @twiistedrose

Episode 125: Haviland Stillwell

Actor/singer/producer Haviland Stillwell (BIFL) is on the femme-presenting side of the spectrum, so she is *very* familiar with the concept of "you never stop coming out" (pro-tip: having a wife helps). As a gay actress who is almost always cast as straight, we thought she'd be the perfect guest to discuss the current hot topic of "authenticity" in the casting of queer roles. Haviland talks being perceived as "not gay enough" - especially by queer filmmakers - and, yes; we GET INTO IT over Happiest Season!

Episode 126: Elliott Feliciano

We brought on an Elliott to talk about an Elliot! For quite a while, Puerto Rican writer/director Elliott Feliciano (OutFest's "To Be With You") only saw examples of trans women in media - and the few trans men he did see were all white. It wasn't until he came across model Laith Ashley that he first felt he saw himself. Elliott talks transitioning at thirty-five, and why he uses both "he" and "they" pronouns. Also, we dig into Elliot Page's epic announcement - the joy *and* the controversy, oh my!

Episode 127: Emily Goss

Emily Goss (Dating in Place; Season of Love; Snapshots) has played a multitude of queer roles, and yet it's only very recently that she felt comfortable enough to start identifying as bisexual. She talks about the childhood event that made her retreat from being a masculine tomboy, and we dissect the universal experience of feeling like an imposter when everyone else seems like "a professional queer." Also, the Hot Butch Woman (TM) Emily saw over a decade ago, but still vividly remembers... @emilygoss650

Episode 128: Listener Mailbag 2020!

It's our end-of-the-year MAILBAG EPISODE! We take on questions about finding and connecting with queer culture and community, navigating the waters of being bi+ in a hetero-presenting relationship, and having doubts about your identity post-coming out. We also tackle a series of *very* sticky queries about gender, because why not end the year with a bang?! All this, plus some fun ways to still have us in your earholes next week, even though we're taking a l'il hiatus. YOU SURVIVED 2020! CELEBRATE WITH US!

Episode 129: Alex Blue Davis

We're kicking off 2021 with a huge guest: Alex Blue Davis of She-Ra and Grey's Anatomy! Alex always identified as male, but when he lost his dad at a very young age, he shut down, and decided to just be what everyone thought he was. Alex shares how an out lesbian camp counselor changed his life when he was fourteen...until a traumatic incident following that formative summer sent him running back into the closet. Alex's story is one of survival, and it's an incredibly inspiring way to start off a new year!

Episode 130: Enny Owl

British indie folk singer songwriter Enny Owl used to pray that the girl she had a crush on wouldn't come to class, because she believed that the butterflies she felt around her were sinful. Today, she identifies as "a queer pi" (because she's torn between bi and pan), and plays us the first song she ever wrote using female pronouns! Enny shares how internalized biphobia made her suppress her attraction to men in an attempt to prove she was gay, we examine the concept of "the other woman," and more!

Episode 131: Cole Giannone

Cole Giannone uses they/them pronouns, and identifies as a combination of queer, trans non-binary, and transmasc. However, back when they were in high school (and well before all of these terms were commonplace), Cole was Nicole's first girlfriend! Cole and Nicole look back on their relationship, and examine how it was affected by elements of their identities that neither of them could put a name to at the time. Plus, the complexities of raising a child when it comes to gender - both theirs AND yours!

Episode 132: Alayna Joy

We have an amazing conversation with the ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTFUL Alayna Joy! Alayna grew up in a half Lutheran/half Mennonite family in "the Canadian Bible Belt," and amassed a large following on YouTube making bisexual-focused LGBTQ content. But then quarantine happened, and she realized...she actually *wasn't* bi. Alayna shares her epic journey of multiple coming outs, and talks about where she finally landed in terms of identity. We also examine compulsory heterosexuality, aesthetic attraction, and more!

Episode 133: PJ Hase

Lauren and guest co-host Mandahla Rose have a conversation with 21-year-old PJ Hase that could have gone on for HOURS! PJ identifies as both asexual and aromantic, and tells us about being in a friend group that "tried on labels...like trying on clothes at the mall." PJ shares what it's like when friends are at the top of your relationship hierarchy, and explains concepts like the split attraction model, primary vs. secondary attraction, and amatonormativity. Also, the "spectrum" aspect of the ace spectrum!

Episode 134: Guy Branum

Comedian and writer Guy Branum (Chelsea Lately; The Mindy Project) grew up in a conservative farm town with a family that liberally used the "F" word (the slur; not the cuss), and came of age in the 1980s during peak AIDS panic. WHAT A START! Guy talks about not looking like "what a gay guy is supposed to look like," and the prison-of-its-own-making aspect of gay male culture. Plus, a surprise cameo from Amy Klobuchar, and the sick Virginia Woolf burn that changed Guy's life! Twitter and IG: @GuyBranum

Episode 135: Crystal Robinson

Lauren and Episode 104's Makeda Declet have THE THRILL OF THEIR LIVES talking to former WNBA player Crystal Robinson, the pod's first professional athlete! Crystal grew up in Oklahoma in a racially segregated town of only 425 people, yet still had the wherewithal to come out to her mother in the third grade. She discusses the early days of the WNBA when being out was largely shunned, and shares a harrowing story of getting racially profiled in her hometown just months ago. Also, her upcoming memoir!

Episode 136: Rivkah Reyes

If Rivkah Reyes (they/them) looks familiar to you, it's probably because they played Katie, the *epically* cool bass player in School of Rock. But now they're all grown up, and A GODDAMNED DELIGHT! Rivkah identifies as fluid "across the board," and discusses their recent name change, their work with the Akashic Records, addiction and sobriety, and *so* much more! Plus, we all share our first queer crushes, and discuss how Microsoft's Clippy was OBVIOUSLY queer culture. Contact Rivkah at rivkahreyes.com!

Episode 137: Carrie Brennan

It's a hilariously off the rails episode of the podcast when Lauren and Mav Viola talk to actor/writer Carrie Brennan, whose film BLOCK is an incredibly autobiographical retelling of her own coming out experience! Despite having gay role models within her own family, fear kept Carrie closeted for a decade. Our discussion covers finding an LGBTQ therapist on the dark web (yes, really), queer icon Rhonda Shimes (not a typo), and Gay Panic (TM). Also, we swear like sailors, so strap in! www.blockthefilm.com